It was through this very publication that Ricki Stern finally connected with someone who could help her.
Having endured the heartache of repeated pregnancy losses and complications, Stern felt an urgent need to channel her grief into something meaningful.
Despite launching a grassroots effort to contact editors, posting on forums and reaching out on social media to collate stories, it wasn’t until Shterny Dadon from the Australian Jewish Fertility Network (AJFN) reached out, that Stern finally felt connected. Dadon was responding to a letter Stern had published in The AJN.
Stern called it an encouraging moment, and one that finally helped plant the seeds of her book, Pregnancy Tests.
Originally, Stern explained that she turned to online forums to find other women who had navigated the infertility journey, and who understood the specific type of grief that comes with pregnancy loss.
“I needed to know: How do you move forward? How do you find a way to live again? Do you ever truly heal?” Stern told The AJN. “I was stunned by how many people were walking this same path in silence. It became clear that we all needed a lifeline. I began collecting these stories to give a voice to the ‘silent struggle’ of infertility, miscarriage and stillbirth. My mission became clear: to ensure no couple has to endure this nightmare alone.”
“As the stories poured in, I found myself crying frequently; the depth of the heartache was sometimes overwhelming. I couldn’t stop thinking about the couples behind the words.”
Stern recalled that at first, submissions to her call-out were slow.
“I faced cold shoulders and occasional insensitivity from editors, which was painful, but it only fuelled my resolve,” she said, explaining that once the letter in The AJN had been published and Dadon reached out, the momentum shifted.
Suddenly, she had received enough stories and poems for her book, and while they were heavy, Stern used the pain.
“As the stories poured in, I found myself crying frequently; the depth of the heartache was sometimes overwhelming. I couldn’t stop thinking about the couples behind the words,” she recalled. “However, that pain fuelled my passion. Each story confirmed that this book was a necessity.”
Pregnancy Tests is a compilation of stories, essays and poems by people who have experienced infertility or pregnancy loss, each one delving into a topic that is so often confined to the shadows.
This is why Stern was so determined to have something published – so people could see others were experiencing the same heartache and emotions.
Interestingly, many of the submissions related to faith. Stern acknowledges that while this may seem like it was planned, it wasn’t.
“I reached out across many platforms, and these were the voices that rose up. The submissions naturally reflected a deep, faith-based perspective. It shows how integral spirituality is to the healing process for so many in the Jewish community,” she explained.
When asked about the heaviness of the subject matter, and indeed the submissions, Stern was clear in how the book upholds her ultimate aim. She became not just an author, but a listener and companion.
“Paradoxically, I coped by stepping outside of my own grief. By focusing entirely on supporting others, I found a reprieve from my own struggles,” she said. “I became a bridge for people all over the world. By the time the book was finished, I had a global network of friends.”
As for what Stern hopes to achieve with Pregnancy Tests, she said she hopes it becomes a living resource where people can find stories, real ideas and ultimately community connections. She shared that she received positive news soon after using resources shared with her during her research for the book. She fell pregnant.
“I am now in my second trimester –further than I have ever reached before. It’s a new chapter I never dreamed possible, and I want to give others the same opportunity for hope,” she said.
“I want to invite anyone walking this path to reach out. The core message of the book is: ‘When you’re holding hands, you are not alone.'”
To reach out to Ricki, email jewish.infertility.miscarriage@gmail.com
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