Finding clarity through pain

In my 31 years on earth so far, on Shavuot, I have never missed hearing Aseret HaDibrot, the 10 Commandments.

I’ve built my life around Torah, I am a Jewish educator, and have taught in different schools and seminaries for over a decade, so I take my Judaism seriously. For me, going to shule over a Jewish festival is an affirming ritual and an embodiment of the Torah I teach and the values I live with.

Growing up in Melbourne with our long winter nights, Tikkun Leil is always a highlight. I like the idea that everyone is spending the night studying Torah, making it relevant to their life and preparing to receive the 10 Commandments. In my mind, Tikkun Leil means synagogue hopping, the streets alive with learning, and that palpable sense of anticipation for something big. After all, you only receive the Torah again once a year.

For a few years I lived in New York, but unlike Melbourne, Tikkun Leil takes place in the summertime. Shavuot looked different, long summer afternoons, dairy potlucks in the park in the heat, time spent with good friends, but little in the way of meaningful Tikkun Leil. Because it starts so late, Tikkun Leil does not have the wide appeal.

So, after a few years in America, I discovered that going to shule to hear the Aseret Hadibrot without the deep night of learning beforehand, with hours of preparation in our winter, to me, felt incomplete.