Jewish grief deserves empathy, not silence

Jewish communities around the world have been reeling from the horror of the Hamas-led attacks since October 7, 2023, on Israel. But for many Jews, especially those living outside Israel, the trauma has not ended with the events themselves. It has been made worse by something quieter but deeply painful: the way their grief has been dismissed, downplayed or ignored.

This response has a name. Trauma invalidation. It happens when someone’s pain is denied, minimised or treated as if it doesn’t matter. It’s not just disagreement. It’s being told that your emotions don’t count or that your experience isn’t real. A recent article by trauma therapists Dr Miri Bar-Halpern (Harvard University) and Jaclyn Wolfman, published in the Journal of Human Behaviour in the Social Environment, helps name this experience. It describes what happens when trauma is not denied outright but twisted, politicised or met with silence.

Since October 7, many Jewish people have experienced this. Some are told that the attacks were “complicated” rather than horrific. Others are asked to condemn Israel’s response before their own fear and heartbreak are even acknowledged. Some are left in the silence of friends, workplaces and institutions that speak out loudly for others, but fall quiet when Jews are in pain.

Bar-Halpern and Wolfman describe nine forms of trauma invalidation, including emotional neglect, blame, denial of reality and social exclusion. These are not just individual moments; they add up. They leave people not only hurt by global events, but also feeling abandoned by those they once trusted.