'Everything, all at once''The simple truth is that I will never be the same'

Two different visits to Israel

This trip was obviously completely different from the last, which was why I agreed to go.

Gemma Tognini at Kibbutz Nir Oz. Photo: Supplied
Gemma Tognini at Kibbutz Nir Oz. Photo: Supplied

Since going to Israel in June of 2023 as an AIJAC Rambam scholar I have been asked many times about the one thing, the one moment that defined my experience. It wasn’t just one thing. It rarely is; I suppose it’s an impossible question to answer. I suspect many of you know what I’m talking about.

I was a first-time visitor to Israel, and as a Christian the things I had thought might have been most impacting turned out to be more of a supporting act to the main event. It wasn’t one particular location or one session in particular. It was everything, all at once. The history. The complexity. The mix of ancient and new. The underlying tensions and concurrent sense of unbridled joy and love of life that was impossible to ignore.

It was an electric time to be in Israel because at the start of June 2023, as you probably remember, the country was in the grips of massive political unrest. The streets were filled with protesters angry about the judicial reform process. Concurrently, the energy of Israel and her people was everywhere. It was a hectic week, exhausting, if I’m honest. The program curated for our small group was rich, challenging and at times physically confronting and demanding. By that I mean, on the one hand, we met with extraordinary minds at the forefront of regional diplomacy, community groups who for decades have been fostering coexistence from the ground up. We went from Sderot to the Golan to the Syrian border to Ramallah and everywhere in between. The access to people including and especially senior figures was incredible and delivered insights and understanding simply impossible to gain any other way.

Gemma Tognini at Kfar Aza.
Photo: Supplied

I came back richer. More hopeful for the region’s future. Strange given what was to come a few short months later. I recall saying to friends when I got back to Australia that the only place I felt uneasy had been Sderot. Not staring down a Hezbollah operative on the border with Lebanon. Not overlooking the no-man’s-land between Israel and Syria. It was at lunch in a crowded hummus joint in Sderot where I felt most agitated. If I need to get out of here in a hurry, I can’t. I remember that thought very clearly. Perhaps it was also the reality of seeing bomb shelters everywhere and knowing that if I needed one, I had just 15 seconds to get there.

It was the footage of Sderot that I first saw on the afternoon (Sydney time) of October 7. It’s so distinct, I recognised it instantly. Fourteen months later, I found myself again arriving at Ben Gurion, this time greeted by face upon face of the hostages still captive. The first face I saw was that of Naama Levy. It was like a kick in the guts. I’ve written about Naama and her friends so many times, seeing her face like that brought a different, more potent level of reality. I’ll come back to this thread in a second.

This trip was obviously completely different from the last, which was why I agreed to go. I have a deep conviction about the need to bear witness and for me, that was the most important element. Nothing else came close. As with in 2023, the program curated for us was heavy, meaty, confronting and incredibly rich, it’s just that this time it was in a war zone and I learned firsthand what it’s like to be woken, night after night and shelter in a bunker while maniacs try to kill you. That aside, I felt safe. Not in the same way that I did in 2023. But in a deeper way, if that makes sense. I felt safe and I felt a deep sense of purpose. There was a deep curiosity about Australia and why our government had abandoned Israel when she needed us most. I felt ashamed at the question but understood it.

It is to the immense and enduring credit of AIJAC and the Rambam program that it facilitates access to and meetings with senior figures in the Palestinian Authority, as well as Palestinian voices as credentialled as Basem Eid and Khaled Abu Toameh (for example). Their perspective, insights and expertise has proved invaluable. Similarly, the contribution of DFAT in facilitating these sessions, especially with senior PA officials, was invaluable and reinforced the program’s legitimacy.

Coming back to the beginning of this most recent trip. The simple and awful truth is that I will never be the same. How could I be? Friends tried to prepare me. They did their best. It could never have been enough. As a writer your job is words, and I find myself lacking when it comes to my experience in the south. In many ways, I’m still processing it. Many of you have been and know exactly what I’m talking about. I experienced a country, a people, heavily traumatised yet determined. Broken hearted but defiant. It was in every way an extraordinary, rich, exhausting (sorry [AIJAC’s] Joel [Burnie], but you pack it in!!) incredible week. Every moment delivered immense value and has helped me navigate complex issues with greater understanding.

Gemma Tognini is the founder of GT Communications and a columnist with The Australian.

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