Bring the tough conversations to the table

For many Jewish couples, the desire to have children isn’t just personal, it’s rooted in one of the oldest commandments, “Be fruitful and multiply”. But what happens when nature doesn’t cooperate? Increasingly, the answer involves science, guided by religion.

Around one in six Australian couples experience infertility and one in four pregnancies ends in loss. For Jewish couples, the path to IVF comes with an extra layer of complexity. Enter what’s affectionately been dubbed “Kosher IVF.”

Rabbi Yehoram Ulman fields fertility questions from Jewish couples around the globe, daily.

Ulman is a senior member of the Sydney Beth Din and one of the foremost rabbinical experts on fertility internationally. He developed a world-first protocol authorising the use of IVF within halachic boundaries. The protocol is now used across many countries. Since then, he has spent decades navigating very deep, yet very practical questions. Questions like, how does an observant couple observe Shabbat while timing IVF procedures? How do family purity laws interact with the medical demands of ovulation?

Over the past 30 years, Rabbi Ulman has seen thousands of Jewish babies born through fertility treatments guided by Jewish law. So what does the work actually look like? It’s a network of mashgichim overseeing IVF procedures, egg and sperm retrieval, and embryo creation and implantation. At every stage, sperm, eggs, and embryos must remain either within the supervisor’s line of sight or sealed. A female-trained supervisor specifically oversees egg pickup and embryo transfer.

And then there’s the issue of donor eggs and sperm, which carry additional halachic weight. There are questions of lineage, Jewish status, and in some cases, conversion of the child.

And behind the clinical side sits a community lifeline.

The Australian Jewish Fertility Network (AJFN) was founded in Sydney in 2006, when founder Shterny Dadon realised no support service existed for Jewish couples struggling with infertility. So, she rallied her friends, raised some money, and quietly funded a couple’s IVF round. The AJFN has grown remarkably from there.

The organisation has since expanded to Melbourne and now touches families nationwide. The support is practical and wide-ranging, including financial grants, emotional mentoring, help facilitating Kosher IVF, as well as peer mentoring and even organising shabbat meals and community connections for families.

“There is nothing greater than helping people realise their dreams of building a family,” AJFN CEO Justine Saidman has said. “We ensure no Jewish Australian ever feels alone on their fertility journey.”

This weekend, synagogues and families across Australia will mark Infertility Awareness Shabbat. It’s a chance for the community to recognise infertility as a shared responsibility, not just a private struggle.

The numbers alone tell a sobering story. And in the Jewish community, the stakes carry an additional layer. Certain inherited genetic conditions are more prevalent among Jewish families, meaning members are more likely to require genetic screening and, in some cases, assisted reproductive technologies on their path to parenthood. For some, IVF isn’t just a response to infertility, it’s responsible family planning from the outset.

Meanwhile, Australia’s fertility rate has fallen to record lows, IVF costs continue to climb, and the cost of living isn’t helping. More than 70 per cent of enquiries to AJFN include requests for financial assistance. But as Saidman is quick to point out, the need runs deeper than dollars.

“Infertility and pregnancy loss are not simply medical issues,” she said. “They are emotional, spiritual and communal. Kol Yisrael areivim zeh bazeh — we are responsible for one another.”

That responsibility feels especially pointed in a community where family life sits at the cultural and religious centre. The pressure to build a family, often unspoken, can make the fertility journey feel acutely isolating. Since its founding, AJFN has helped welcome 107 Jewish babies into the world. But today, more than 150 families need support.

This year, AJFN is marking Infertility Awareness Shabbat by asking synagogues, rabbis, and everyday community members to bring these conversations out of the shadows, and into sermons, Shabbat tables, and living rooms.

Light a candle. Recite the AJFN fertility prayer. Notice the language you use around children and family. And perhaps most simply, make space at your table for those who are quietly carrying something heavy.

“Shabbat is where our community gathers,” Saidman said. “For too long, infertility and pregnancy loss have sat silently outside those conversations. This Shabbat, we are bringing them to the table.”

For more information about AJFN and Infertility Awareness Shabbat, visit ajfn.org.au