Gett refusal – a blatant example of family violence
Established in 1990 to raise awareness of 'chained women', today is International Agunah Day.
Today is International Agunah Day.
International Agunah Day was established in 1990 to raise awareness about the plight of ‘Agunot’ or ‘Chained Women’. Rabbi Avi Weiss has stated that the issue of agunot is the most pressing issue in America’s Orthodox community. One could add that it is the most pressing issue in the Orthodox community worldwide for, unlike many other halachic problems, this one has remained unsolved and no amount of rabbinic somersaulting has found an answer.
International Agunah Day falls on the Fast of Esther, the day when Queen Esther fasted to try to save her people. And like Queen Esther who was forced into marrying her husband, Agunot are trying to free themselves from controlling and coercive husbands.
Agunot are chained to their husbands, because under Jewish law, it is within the husband’s total power to give his wife a gett (Jewish divorce). It is not a valid gett, if it is not given freely. The husband may choose not to give a gett because he wants to punish or extort money, property or more favourable parenting arrangements. The wife remains at his mercy, especially because any child born before a gett is given, is considered a mamzer and is an outcast from the Jewish community.
Gett refusal is a vicious act. It ruins the life of all affected, particularly young women of childbearing age. For them, the grief is unimaginable. The opportunity of having a child disappears with the passage of time, and all the gett abuser needs to do to punish his wife or simply control her … is nothing. The giving of the gett is totally at the whim of the husband. If she wants to remarry within the Orthodox world she is blocked.
Gett refusal is one of the most blatant examples of family violence. The agunah is stuck and cannot get on with her life. She cannot remarry. She cannot have children. She is in limbo land, potentially for years. Shockingly, there have been women chained for over 60 years. Men who refuse to give a gett, like all perpetrators of family violence, come from every sphere of society. They can be the family man next door, the generous donor or the regular shule goer.
Unchain My Heart, is an organisation that works to raise awareness about the plight of Agunot and to assist Agunot get their getts.
This year on International Agunah Day, Unchain My Heart together with Jewish Care (Vic) are launching a world first Family Violence and Gett Abuse Policy. Unchain My Heart hopes and prays that all shules and Jewish communities throughout Australia and the world will adopt it.
Highlights of the Family Violence and Gett Abuse Policy are:
- that non-violence, shalom bayit, peace and safety within the family are foundational Jewish values that must be promoted;
- that family violence is a fundamental violation of a person’s dignity and is unacceptable in any form;
- that gett refusal is a form of family violence and is an affront to the sanctity, respect and holiness of Jewish marriage and divorce;
- that family violence and gett refusal are not acceptable anywhere, especially in our shules, which are supposed to promote the principle that all members of Israel are responsible for one another;
- that in keeping with our obligations to fellow Jews, and pikuach nefesh, we can’t stand by, but must protect those subjected to family violence and gett abuse.
Not one member of the Jewish community should be a bystander and tolerate gett abuse. We must encourage abusers to change their ways. With the agreement of the Agunah, this can be done by personal influence, withholding shule honours, excluding the abuser from a social group, the minyan or the board of any Jewish organisation. Once the gett has been given those restrictions can be lifted.
We all need to get involved and take whatever steps we can to assist in gett resolution. When you fast on Taanit Ester or eat your hamantaschen on Purim, consider the women who cannot move on with their lives, who are stuck forever chained to the one person who can set them free. Don’t be that person and don’t enable anyone else to be.
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