Healing war’s broken families
In a conversation with The AJN from her home in Jerusalem, Pesi navigates the courageous emotional steps back into her memories of her four-year marriage to Naftali.
He was my rock and my love and my friend. My partner for life, we thought.” Five months after IDF Master-Sergeant Naftali Yonah Gordon, 32, died in combat in Gaza, his widow Pesi Gordon-Roth is still coming to terms with the gut-wrenching news she and her family received on December 7 last year.
The IDF sergeant’s life was taken in a direct hit in northern Gaza that day. He and another soldier of the 188th Armoured Brigade’s 53rd Battalion were killed and another two were severely wounded. All the tank crew were reservists. Naftali was one of 263 soldiers who have laid down their lives for Israel in ground operations since the outbreak of war in October.
The Roths and the Gordons are no strangers to tragedy. Pesi was nine years old when she lost her Australian-born sister Malki, 15, in a terrorist attack on a Jerusalem pizzeria in 2001.
Their father Arnold Roth, who grew up in Melbourne, has been campaigning for years for the release from Jordan of Ahlam Tamimi, of one of Malki’s jihadist murderers.
Pesi and her family will never forget the evening when IDF notifiers arrived at their door with the devastating news. Somewhere, deep beneath their grief, lay the parallel – it was the first night of Chanukah, a holiday for remembering brave soldiers who defended ancient Israel.
In a conversation with The AJN from her home in Jerusalem, Pesi navigates the courageous emotional steps back into her memories of her four-year marriage to Naftali, who practised physiotherapy in Jerusalem. She recalls “a peaceful person, very laid back, with an ability to make everybody around him feel relaxed – sweet, a silly sense of humour”.
Naftali adored his two young daughters, Gefen, 2, and Libi, 3. He was “very, very family-oriented, always up for any type of family gathering or a get-together with friends, always happy to host it at our home”.
When it came to housekeeping, Naftali was a dynamo, she recalls with a smile in her voice. “I remember in the first few days when he was drafted, my nephew said to me, ‘Pesi, what are you going to do now – Naftali does everything!’”
Pesi heard of IDF Widows and Orphans (IDFWO), a support organisation for bereaved families of soldiers. She was told about a getaway camp in April for toddlers who have lost one or both parents in the war, which was her first experience of IDFWO. The organisation earlier held Chanukah and Purim events for these families.
“It’s a place where kids can come to and meet other kids whose fathers also didn’t come back from the war. Mostly for my older daughter, but also for my younger one, I want to be able to show them other kids and say, ‘See, you’re not alone. These kids’ abbas also didn’t come back from the war.’
“Their experience in their gan, in their daycare, as far back as they can remember, has been that all the abbas went away and wore uniforms and came back very rarely. Sometimes they would surprise them and pick them up from gan. Then all the fathers gradually came back to living at home. And their abba didn’t.
“In my experience, being with people in the same really tough situation gives some sort of comfort – and I want that for them too, so they can see they’re not alone,” says Pesi. She admits she has not yet fully come to grips with the news of Naftali’s death, and that realisation is even more challenging for her young children.
Pesi confesses to the natural feelings that haunt bereaved families at times of tragedy. “It’s like a jealousy – I know I feel it and I’m sure they [her daughters] also do – seeing families reunited and living normal lives with their abbas. I feel guilty, but then I try to be understanding towards myself, and tell myself it’s normal to feel that way.
“But I do feel guilty for feeling the extreme jealousy that you feel. Everyone I see, why did they get to have their dream come true and have their lives go back to normal – and we didn’t? It was also your dream. You wanted it so much. You feel you did the right thing, so why is it you got punished? And that always comes with guilt right after.”
Founded in 1991, IDFWO is a nonprofit support organisation that delivers comprehensive, year-round lifetime assistance and special activities and programs designed to foster a genuine sense of community.
Its Purim event provided some distracting fun for children of war-ravaged families. IDFWO’s director of international relations David Metzler notes, “The kids are getting a well-deserved break, and the mums are so thankful. Several having come up to me to say thank you to the organisation.”
The Australian Jewish community has mobilised behind IDFWO in a number of ways. A gathering in the home of Melbourne Jewish communal figure Adam Slonim in March heard over Zoom from Mahol Shosh, who is receiving support from IDFWO.
Pregnant with her fourth child and in temporary accommodation at a Dead Sea hotel, Mahol told the Australians about her October 7 nightmare. She and her three children, aged two, four and six, witnessed husband and father Noy dying after he was shot by Hamas terrorists through the door of a safe room in their home at Kibbutz Be’eri.
Mahol’s nephew Lior Tarshanksy, 15, was killed by Hamas and his sister Gali was abducted and later released during the temporary ceasefire deal in November.
Mahol is in IDFWO’s program L’tzidech (By Your Side), which is a joint initiative with the IDF’s fallen soldiers division and Israel’s Defence Ministry. It offers
psycho-social, practical and financial support to expectant mothers widowed in the war, assisting them through pregnancy, birth and post-partum.
At an event in April, National Council of Jewish Women of Australia (NCJWA) in Victoria aligned its Caring Mums program – which supports new mothers –with L’tzidech, launching a joint fundraiser among NCJWA members and major community donors. NCJWA has also set up a MyCause page which is open to the public and aims to raise $30,000 for the L’tzidech and Caring Mums programs.
“L’tzidech provides a beacon of support for the pregnant widows of soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice in the wake of the tragic events of October 7,” reflects NCJWA Victoria’s marketing manager Naomi Feutrill. “This initiative is more than a program – it’s a promise to stand by those who have endured the loss of their loved ones in defence of our nation. This is an opportunity for us all to support both an Israeli and local grassroots organisation and the essential support they provide.”
Metzler notes that IDFWO is a partner of the Chai Charitable Foundation in Australia. Furthermore, IDFWO will be appointing a small group of Australians to its International Friends Association which is led by IDFWO president Yossi Cohen, former head of Mossad.
In February, Israel’s President Isaac Herzog praised the vital role of IDFWO in supporting families broken by the war. He spoke at an event at which he and First Lady Michal Herzog hosted IDFWO workers and supporters from the US and Australia at the President’s Residence. The delegation included Jerusalem’s Rabbi Benji Levy, a former dean of Moriah College in Sydney and family friend of slain IDF officer Captain Daniel Perez.
IDFWO CEO Shlomi Nahumson tells The AJN, “In the face of the unprecedented crisis that began on October 7, our organisation has been compelled to navigate challenges of a magnitude we have never seen before. The brutal attack on Israel has inflicted deep and lasting scars on our community, leading to a heartbreaking increase in the number of families we support.
“Over 230 new widows of fallen IDF soldiers have been added to our care, while the number of orphans has surged to nearly 900 in total. This significant growth underscores the devastating impact of the conflict and the vital importance of our mission during these trying times.”
For further information, visit: idfwo.org/en/
Donations to NCJWA’s MyCause campaign can be made at: mycause.com.au/page/342490/letzidech-beside-you
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