It’s beneath you
Shabbat Shalom to all our readers.
Parashat Naso contains the laws of the nazirite – a man or woman who undertook not to drink wine or anything made from grapes, not to have haircuts and not to come in contact with the dead.
But there is a major question here. There is another law in Torah known as “neder”, or vow. Namely, that a person has the power to prohibit himself or herself something that the Torah permits. For example, if a person makes a promise, “I will not use my iPhone for 30 days,” that iPhone becomes forbidden for use to the person.
By a verbal declaration you have the halachic power to transform the status of an object or food from permissible to prohibited. It becomes like a piece of ham.
So why the need for a new law of the nazirite? You feel you want to stay away from wine? Okay. So make a vow – no wine!
The answer lies in one verse in our portion: For the entire duration of the nazir’s abstinence, (the nazir) is holy to the Lord.
In both instances, one segregates himself or herself from a particular item, but the mechanism is profoundly different.
With a neder, it is the object or the food that you are forbidding yourself. The status of the object becomes altered.
Nazir is of a different nature. I do not forbid certain items; rather, I enter into a state of holiness-and automatically some things are just not for me. It is not the object, but the person, who has a change of status. When you are a holy person, some things are just not for you.
They represent two paths in moral life and two paths in education. How do I get my teenager not to engage in unworthy acts? I can take two approaches, one symbolised by the neder paradigm, and one by the nazir paradigm.
One path is I explain to them that this behaviour, this lifestyle, this social clique, this website, this girlfriend or boyfriend, is really not good for you. You are young, impressionable and vulnerable. You need to protect yourself from certain influences.
But there is another path. To show them how mature, intelligent and productive they are. Therefore, these behaviours are simply beneath them.
I can appeal to their weaknesses or I can appeal to their strengths.
I can tell my child, “this is not allowed for you”. Or I can tell them three Yiddish priceless words “es past nisht”. The expression can be translated as “it’s not becoming”. It’s not becoming of you. You are better than that. These three little Yiddish words assume goodness within that ultimately can be referenced again and again as a rallying point for their positive self-image.
In truth it should start with us – parents and educators. We need to ask ourselves if our actions and behaviours fall into the category of “es past nisht”. I believe that is a recipe of maintaining a decent, moral and spiritual Jewish life.
Mendy Groner is rabbi of Chabad Glen Eira.
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