Success, self esteem and humility
Shabbat Shalom to all our readers.
Self esteem is considered in psychology as a critical ingredient needed to maintain our mental health. But when self esteem mutates into egotism it takes on a whole new dimension.
Indeed, if one combs through the entire Torah identifying every sin in the book, they will find no reference to ego as a biblical prohibition. Yet succumbing to it is viewed by the Sages with disdain.
Or, to quote the Talmud directly, “Said Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, one who is haughty is considered to have committed idolatry, denied the fundamentals of our faith … and built an altar for foreign gods … this is so even if the egotist performs acts of charity … it is as if God says about the egotist, ‘I and he cannot live in the same world.’”
This phenomenon is not limited to the ethics of Jewish belief but extends to society at large. No one likes a show off. Egotistic people and narcissists are rarely invited back a second time. People who are self-absorbed seldom make real friends, only trophy friends. Society expects the educated to mix with uneducated, the high achievers with the underachievers, and the wealthy with the poor. Elitists are viewed as snobs and become the focus of gossip at our dinner table (not that gossip is ever acceptable, of course).
But why is this trait viewed with such contempt? And why is humility regarded by our Sages as one of the most admirable human traits? If someone has achieved success by virtue of their innate talents shouldn’t they be entitled to a sense of superiority? If they’ve got the brains or business acumen to match their pride, then why hold it against them?
Because, as our Sages explain, everything is relative to the opportunities we receive from God. Personal achievement is a wonderful thing, but who’s to say the bloke next door would do any worse was he given the same chance? He may in fact do better. So why be so smug?
No lesser a Jewish leader than Moses himself taught us this lesson in this week’s Torah portion. When describing God’s communication with Moses, the opening word in the Torah portion, Vayikra, is written with the last letter only a fraction of the size as the other letters of that word. A tiny aleph, symbolising Moses’ humility and smallness.
Later in the book of Bamidbar, (12:3) we are told: “And the man, Moses, was the humblest person who ever lived.” Quite incredibly, Moses of all people – the transmitter of the Torah at Sinai, the emancipator of the Jews from Egypt, the greatest Jewish leader in history and the archetypal religious leader inspiring millions throughout the generations, is described as the single most humble person who ever existed.
This apparent dichotomy, tremendous success coupled with the ultimate modesty, was achieved by Moses precisely because he saw his life accomplishments as a gift from God. “Were someone else given the same opportunities as me”, Moses believed, “they’d have achieved even more than I did!”
Moses’ lesson to us is simple yet profound: When success is seen not as a product of self but rather as a natural consequence of the opportunities provided to us by God, then genuine humility becomes possible not despite our success, but precisely because of it. So, let’s all try to succeed but when we do, let’s stay humble, down to earth and true to ourselves and to others.
Yaakov Glasman is senior rabbi at St Kilda Hebrew Congregation.
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