We must not sweep family violence under the rug
'We need to promote relationships that are based on respect, mutual understanding and dialogue.'
There is a crisis in Australia, a scourge that affects people of all genders, ages, religious affiliations, socioeconomic classes, and locations and our very own Jewish community. I’m talking about family violence, which can come for anyone at any time. Family violence was present well before the pandemic, increased in prevalence during the lockdowns and is still very much with us today.
Major domestic violence support organisations such as ANROWS have shown that the COVID lockdowns exacerbated family violence and were a catalyst in the increase of this epidemic. Social distancing measures caused many women to become isolated in homes they had to share with their abusers, and such situations were intensified due to financial instability because of inflation and job insecurity. Furthermore, there has been a marked increase in drug and alcohol abuse during and after the lockdowns, causing family violence to skyrocket to unprecedented levels.
In the last 12 months, one in 10 women have experienced intimate partner violence (IPV), with many finding a correlation between the onset of COVID-19 and an escalation of abuse or first-time violence. Other findings have shown that many women are experiencing a constant pattern of abuse that coincides with coercive control and violence, and which has been exacerbated by the pandemic.
Put simply by 1800RESPECT, family violence happens when one person in a relationship hurts another or makes them feel unsafe, and it is a repeated pattern of behaviour. This can involve behaviour that makes the victim feel scared, involve threats to their person, their children or pets, and denying their choices. It is an ongoing repeated behaviour to control the victim and it is not always physical taking on many forms including, emotional, monetary and sexual. Sadly abusive behaviour is rarely a one-off, it is most common for there to be escalations in the abuser’s behaviour.
The words “pattern of control” or “pattern of coercion and control” are also often used to describe this kind of violence. Patterns of control can take different forms in different relationships. In some relationships, stopping you from taking the medicine you need is a pattern of control. Someone threatening to kill or hurt themselves when you try to leave the relationship might be part of a pattern of control. If you have a disability and access support, taking away that support in order to control you is another example of a pattern of control.
There is also a strong correlation between gendered violence following and during national crises and emergencies, as seen by the heightened rates of family and domestic violence, particularly against women and children. Specifically, many vulnerable people during the lockdowns, and now in the aftermath, have been left in a difficult position of finding services to help them leave their dangerous situation. Support organisations within our community such as Hatzolah and Jewish Care are increasingly finding themselves offering support and assistance to victims of domestic violence.
The spike in domestic violence has led to a shortage of services available for victims who find that resources are stretched thin, and options are limited. This could be because many crisis centres are at capacity due to the rise in family violence, and victims have to be referred elsewhere, likely under equally similar strain.
According to Jewish Care Victoria, family violence is consistently one of the top three presenting issues for the Individual and Family Services team, and the level of risk continues to increase. Almost 50 per cent of the calls from the community that Jewish Care receives are directly related to people experiencing family violence and/or IPV. Likewise, on average women in the Jewish community take around twice the amount of time to seek help for family violence compared to women in the general community.
I find it very sad and disheartening how in the last two years we have seen a massive increase in domestic violence, and understand how it may seem overwhelming how we can help those in our community in need.
First, I propose that in order to make a change, it should start with educating our children. We need to promote relationships that are based on respect, mutual understanding and dialogue, and invoke communal attitudes on how to maintain the acceptable status quo.
We are all aiming for an end to family violence, yet it requires a wide range of services for the victims, which include increased support for those wishing to leave abusive partners. Additionally, we require additional psychologists and counsellors on hand, and also increased support from the community to disseminate the attitude that family and domestic violence will not be accepted.
Jewish Care Victoria has done excellent work in this regard with its billboard campaigns over the years aiming to tackle family and domestic violence. These bright and eye-catching advertisements have slogans plastered on them reading, “There’s no excuse for abuse” and “Relationships should feel safe,” with information about where victims can seek help.
In NSW, JewishCare’s White Ribbon Day men’s breakfasts have also successfully spread the message.
On a positive note, the Australian government is aware of the huge surge in domestic violence specifically during the pandemic and in its aftermath, and has allocated a record investment of $1.7 billion to support women’s safety. This is specifically to support crisis centres, family violence aid organisations and mental health support services. Likewise, in Victoria and NSW, the increased understanding of family violence has led to a dedicated ministerial government position specifically addressing family and domestic violence.
Violence in our community is prevalent. We must stop sweeping it under the rug and tackle it head on. As a community rabbi and with a master of social work, it is also in my domain to talk about family violence and what we can do to assist victims and how we can help prevent it.
If you know anyone who may be experiencing family violence, I urge them to reach out for help to one of these organisations:
List of support organisations
1800 RESPECT
Jewish Care Vic (03) 8517 5999
JewishCare NSW 1300 133 660
Rabbi Gabi Kaltmann is a member of the Jewish Community Council of Victoria executive and rabbi of Melbourne’s Ark Centre.
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