What if it had been the Donald Declaration?

How would the Balfour Declaration have read if it had been issued by the so-called leader of the free world today, Donald Trump, instead of the British philosopher-turned-politician Arthur Balfour?

In a bid to find out, I imagined myself in the Oval Office and with a little help from my friends (The Beatles) let the presidential muse inspire me …

HEY Jews, I’m excited to tell you folks, on behalf of the incredible men and women of America, that I’ll shortly be sending out as a multi-part tweet, the following declaration of sympathy with Jewish Zionist aspirations.
It has been submitted to, and approved by, me, and it’s gonna be huge.

Many people are saying that the Jews should have a national home in Palistrade. Believe me, I hear it all the time. Well I’m going to take care of it.

Forget the fake news – this is big. Try to grasp its bigness. I’ll use my power to get one of my teams figuring out the details – and it’ll be understood that nothing will be done that will prejudice the principles of covfefe. We’re literally going to see a national home created and it’ll be great, bigly.

I can hear you asking: why? Why would a world leader like Donald Trump bother with a land like Pakistine which is probably about 11,000 miles away from Washington? Why is he taking the time to do this in the middle his favourite war, the Great War? And believe me it is a great war. Really great. The greatest.

The answer is that the people who came before me didn’t know how to run the world. Woodrow Wilson was the founder of the Ottoman Empire. He’s the founder. He founded the Ottomans. And William Howard Taft was the co-founder.

And I and we inherited one big mess, it’s bedlam. But I realised that I can make it good. I’m like a magnet for ideas – my IQ is one of the highest, and you all know it.

Look what has happened. We have a real problem – no national home for the Jews. But they’ve got a wall there. A great wall. A wailing wall Not as wailing as I would build. Nobody builds wailing walls better than me, believe me.

And people have been calling me and saying, “look Donald, we need you, we need you to take care of this as only you can.”

So many people calling me (only some of the transcripts have been leaked), and all of them waiting for Donald Trump to act.

So I have acted, and it’s tremendous. Bing, bing, bing, bing. The losers and haters will say it’s not practical, that you can’t have a Jewish home in that part of the world, where there are lots of people who won’t want it. Where there are some bad hombres.

Simple! Build a wall with whoever objects on the other side, and make them pay for it – bong, bong, bong.

I should be grateful if you would bring this declaration to the knowledge of all your followers on Twitter.

Yours,
Historical Donald Trump

NATHAN JEFFAY is The AJN’s Israel correspondent. You can follow him on Facebook, @nathanonisrael.

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